Just Keep Praying…
August 11, 2011 at 7:41 pm 4 comments
Hey guys. Another day spent in limbo over here. Every night I go to bed praying that tomorrow I won’t wake up looking like some volcano-faced monster from the black lagoon. Every morning I wake up praying that I won’t cry when I look in the mirror. I’m still praying.
On my walk this morning, I realized that the mirror has become kinda like the scale was to me when I was anorexic. I check it obsessively, just like I used to hop on the scale every hour or two. Hoping for an improvement. Always disappointed. I’d really just be happy if my chin cleared up. My forehead can stay zitty. Just my chin, please God.
Anyways… sorry for being a broken record for the past… week… This is just one of the most awful things I’ve ever gone through in my life and, unlike other awful situations I’ve been in, there seems to be nothing I can do to make it any better. Believe me, I wish this wasn’t happening.
Another bare-bones post. Not in the mood to blabber. And to tell you the truth, haven’t been in the mood to eat, either. It has nothing to do with my ED. I just feel shitty and depressed.
After another long morning walk…
Breakfast
Peach protein pancakes
Been making an effort to eat more fruit. This was good.
Workout
45 minutes elliptical intervals
30 minutes triceps + chest
- SUPERSET
- Tricep dips – pyramid set
- Pushups – pyramid set
- Single-arm tricep kickbacks - 10 lbs, pyramid set
- SUPERSET
- Chest flyes – 10 lbs per arm, pyramid set
- Chest press – 30 lbs, pyramid set
- Skullcrushers – 15 lbs, pyramid set
Wasn’t as hard to motivate myself to workout today. I needed the endorphines.
Lunch
Chocolate microwave cake
Yeah. Should really stop eating these and start eating more “real” food. Nothing like looking like a zit-faced monster to jump-start a seriously healthy, dairy-free, whole food diet. Its funny, but my diet is more restrictive right now than it ever was when I was anorexic.
Afternoon passed by in a blur… don’t even remember it. I did crosswords. Very mind-numbing. I highly suggest it if you need a distraction.
Dinner
Salad with spinach, romaine, tomato, bell pepper, sauteed green beans, edamame, imitation crab, Italian dressing, salad bits
Big bowl of nutrients. Should probably be eating two of these a day.
Well… that’s it. I’ve been hitting the hay earlier and earlier the past few days. I don’t even want to stay up to watch Rookie Blue tonight. I just want to sleep. And wake up and have this facial nightmare be over. Sometimes, I actually pinch myself… because this is so awful, it just has to be a nightmare.
Oh, thank you guys so much for your kind comments. They really do make me feel better… but don’t feel obligated to comment if you don’t want to. I know I never really have anything to say when somebody else writes depressing posts, so I don’t want anyone to feel like they have to say something because they “should”. I completely understand if you don’t.
Entry filed under: Summer 2011. Tags: Acne, Cardio Workout, Chest Workout, ED, Tricep Workout.
1.
Tara | August 11, 2011 at 9:37 pm
I’m praying for you too. It’s so hard to see yourself in the mirror and not like what you see. Keep your head up, as hard as that sounds!! Oh and I think it would be a great idea to make lots of CCK recipes.. dairy free, wholesome, healthy… oh and absolutely delicious.
2.
Dorsa@ Mixed Tape | August 12, 2011 at 9:15 am
I’m not really sure if this will work to get rid of your zits but a cucumber mask always makes my skin feel fresh and clean….
you just shred cucumbers and put them on your face.. I always leave them on until they dry and start to fall off.
I also know that for all of my in-laws they used Proactive, and it reallllly works, well for them it did. Maybe give that a try.
3.
paoang | August 12, 2011 at 9:56 am
It breaks my heart to see you’re still feeling like this
As I said, I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts Marissa.
And definitely add a lot of healthy fats to your diet…they make your skin look AND feel healthier. Trust me
4. Change of Tone? « Taking Small Bites | August 13, 2011 at 7:16 pm
[...] trying to be more upbeat. This is not the end of the world. Gotta keep saying that. And keep praying. My favorite time of day is at night when I go to sleep… because there’s always the [...]